Pamela Anderson's Hot Monkey Love

(If a Google search for "hot monkey love" - "Pamela Anderson" or both of those phrases has brought you here, I suggest you leave now, as this page will only frustrate you more than you currently are.)
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There I was, reading the Friday edition of "America's Greatest Daily Newspaper" (the WSJ for you newbies) and staring up at me is a guest editorial by Ms. Pamela Anderson. THE Pamela Anderson. Pamela Anderson, Sunday School Teacher, Implant Poster Child and now Self-Appointed Global Watchdog.

Ms. Anderson is now pleading with Hollywood to stop using real chimpanzees in ANYTHING and replace them with robots or animatronic apes. She claims that it's different for primates than it is for humans... After all SHE CHOSE HER CAREER-she wanted to be (in)famous. I wonder how many child actors feel the same... pushed into the biz by parents who wished for fame, could not achieve it and then foisted it upon their children?


She cites the off-screen treatment of chimps and her research showing Hollywood's chimps were torn from their mother's arms at an early age. I am immediately reminded of a young Macauley Culkin, plucked from his mother's arms and basically sold to the film industry at an early age... and then, like the chimps, he was kicked to the curb after he was no longer "cute." Hell, even Michael Jackson dropped him.

The arguments made by this home video superstar are not without merit, yet they carry little weight with me.

I'm more apt to listen to the rantings of a respected actress/animal lover like Betty White, than a woman whose last choice for a starring vehicle was on the FOX Network in a TV show called STACKED.

Gas Pains, Blame-storming, and HOPE for a better tomorrow

Simple math. For every dollar that is added to the price of gas, it costs YOU an additional 5c per mile that you drive. So... if you were used to 2 dollars a gallon and now you've got 3 dollars per gallon at the pump... The real cost to you is 5 cents per mile. Now simma down and realize a few other items.
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Neither W or congress have any real effect on the price of gas.

Since 1975 our ability to refine oil into gas has NOT increased.... wanna bet that consumption has?
There are almost one billion cars on the roads now... and that number ain't dropping.

Since the 70s the world has not increased the ability to pump more oil from the ground... China and India have increased their use of oil by multiples beyond anyone's imagination.

And SINCE WE REALIZED WE HAD A PROBLEM... WE'VE DONE NOTHING.

Even a horrible President like Jimmy Carter thought we should drill in Alaska... he proposed tapping into ANWAR. Sadly his wishes have been squelched every Congress since, scared off by the ill-informed "Green Police" - ANWAR would solve a lot of problems. Start drilling.

Oil companies have made huge profits this year and last, but they went decades with razor thin margins... let the free market decide!

And finally, the leader of Qatar said something interesting on Thursday. "If American politicians would just stop talking, the price of oil would drop 20 dollars." I'd love to test his theory for a decade or two.

Random. Really Random

Every now and then I have a day with just thoughts and or observations. No major breakthroughs, just a bunch of disconnected statements. Perhaps they will inspire something more.


I read today that the busiest telephone traffic day of the year is Mother's Day. Make that USED TO BE MOTHER'S DAY. The various phone traffic measuring groups now report that American Idol's telephone voting on Tuesday nights has eclipsed the Mother's Day totals. Note to self, call mom... after you vote for Katharine McPhee a few times.
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"Flight 93" - the first film to really attempt to tell the story of what happened on 9-11-01, aboard one of the hijacked planes is a powerful film and it is to be released tomorrow. It's going to make people angry and sad and in some cases proud of this country. To all of that I said "GREAT." Fewer than 2000 days have passed since the murderous attack on America. Living and working in NYC makes me all to sensitive about it. But I am not one who wants to make nice with the people who prefer to see us smoldering in a pile of burning bomb remnants. Todd Beamer's father saw the movie... you can too. GO SEE FLIGHT 93... and it's ok to cry or even be very angry.
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Gas costs over $3.00 a gallon. Get over it. Skip a latte today, but STOP BLAMING PRESIDENT BUSH OR EXXON. If gas goes up to $4.00 a gallon we can still handle it. each dollar added to a gallon adds 5cents to each mile you drive. You do the math.

We have not increased capacity to pump oil for decades, yet we have increased the number of cars on the streets and the global industrial growth is also straining the supply chain. If we are using more oil than 20 years ago, guess what's gonna happen soon? Class? Everyone say it together - "WE'LL RUN OUT OF OIL IF WE DON'T PUMP MORE OUT OF THE GROUND." (duh)

Perhaps we should also focus on alternatives to fossil fuels. Senator Ted Kennedy says he's all worried about the energy crisis but he's standing in front of the wind farm project off Martha's Vineyard preventing it from getting off the ground.

If we harnessed the hot air coming out of Washington DC from both sides of the aisle, I'm certain that our thermo-energy problems would lessen considerably.
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THE TERMINATOR vs GLOBAL WARMING?

California Gov and action film star Arnold Schwarzenegger is seen above surveying the pending disaster facing California's levee system.

Later he proclaimed that man caused global warming... a man like him in a private aircraft, hovering over a NATURAL disaster for a photo op.

All this from a state with air quality problems directly related to charcoal grills, lawn mowers and leaf blowers... and oh yeah, govt. helicopters.

Park it Arnie...

Making Cents?

The Saturday edition of the NY Times is the inspiration for my dervish-like spin today.

The follow are excerpts from the article written by Floyd Norris:
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What happens if a penny is worth more than one cent?

That is an issue the U.S. Mint could soon face if the price of metals keeps rising. Already it costs the mint well more than a cent to make a penny.

This week the cost of the metals in a penny rose above 0.8 cents, more than twice the value of last fall. Because the government spends at least another six-tenths of a cent -- above and beyond the cost of the metal -- to make each penny, it will lose nearly half a cent on each new one it mints.
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Logic would tell all of us to STOP MAKING THE PENNIES! They are a pain in the first place! Let's move on! Retire the damn penny - along with the phrase "penny candy" and "penny arcade" - outmoded, outdated, useless.

Well, we could either do that or we could cash in.

I'm thinking collecting pennies could turn into a very profitable venture. If each penny is inherently worth 40% more than it's face value, then... if we had a million dollars worth of pennies - it would be worth 1.4 million to the govt... BUT we offer to sell our pennies to Uncle Sam for 1.25 million. EVERYBODY WINS!

You are welcome.

I'm off to CoinStar - The suckers who use that are getting ripped off for 9% of their change! I'm gonna offer them a 110% value on all pennies... and still make a 15% profit! EASY STREET, here I come!

Outsourcing Insanity?

It was about a year ago that CBS' news magazine program "60 Minutes" shared with us the good news that first class medical treatment for people in need or coronary bypass surgery was now available at a discount rate, halfway around the world in India and a few other Asian nations.

Immediately the jokes started forming --- horrible jokes.

And then I started getting angry. Had the Legal/Medical Consortium finally done it? Had the litigious blood suckers finally made it too expensive for Americans to get decent and needed surgery and driven health care out of the country??? Apparently the answer was a big fat YES because the story was not only about bypass surgeries, but also transplants (heart, liver, kidney, etc). There was also a booming business in elective plastic surgery!

Betty Joe Six-Pack could not afford to visit the offices of Dr. Steven Hoefflin in Beverly Hills, but she could take three weeks and visit Dr. Rajeev Gupta in Madras and get a face lift, a tummy tuck, and still have two weeks of recovery on the beach in a first class hotel... AND it all would be cheaper than just the tummy tuck would cost her back in the states. And these were not cheesy, back alley clinics you see in old movies, but beautiful, well-appointed hospitals staffed with American-educated doctors. The triple bypass you'd spend 150k to get in NYC or LA... $15,000.

Well it did not take long for someone to make turn this into an even more bizarre situation. Someone figured out that American women would not just like to have their facelifts in India at a cut-rate price, but they would also like to use Indian women to be their surrogates for childbearing. And really, why not? Just send an egg and some swimmers to India... they get implanted in woman who will be paid to "host" your future offspring for a bargain basement rate of $5000.00 (compared to $50,000 plus medical bills here in the States).

And so it's easy now... Instead of spending $50,000 (plus medical bills) for an American surrogate to carry your seed... you outsource your birth to India and pay an Indian woman $5000 to host your offspring. What's next? Price negotiation with the nation most needing money? What if China starts a "brood mare" business for $2500 a child?

Is it really a good idea to outsource your procreation?

THINK ABOUT IT?

Can there really be an attachment to a child who spent 9 months inside someone else... who was just doing it for a career?

I gotta go lie down.

Doc, I need a prescription for Krispy Kreme!

Today I witnessed what appeared to be a little insanity...

A person at the office thought he was doing something nice. It was Friday and he brought a large box of donuts to the office. In times gone by he would have been afforded a heroes welcome for this act. Not so today. This random act of sweetness was met with scowls, derision and even a little anger by the self-appointed food police! More than one of the people who were meant to receive the goodies actually sought out the donor and chastised him as if he had spread pure tar heroin on Fruit Loops and fed the cereal to school kids!

Demonized for Donuts!

And then the clouds parted and clarity made me see it.

It started with tobacco. About 40 years ago we discovered that tobacco is a real demon. Tobacco in it's various forms was the cause of many illnesses and death, and as such, tobacco was hurting not only our people, but our futures. Tobacco was a drain on the economy... and so we began a campaign to make tobacco illegal. Not a bad thing, but people (read "lawyers" & "zealots") have extrapolated the tobacco theory and started applying it to other "sins" like alcohol and now sugar!

This is not an endorsement for smoking. As a former smoker I understand the dangers of smoking and the benefits of NOT smoking. It's obvious to me that smoking is a bad idea. BUT it's legal to smoke and adults should be allowed to make an informed decision as to what they will do with their lives.

Back to the donut issue. Apparently SUGAR in all it's forms is next on the list of items we will not be allowed to use in public. SUGAR is the cause of our obesity problem. SUGAR is the reason that diabetes is robbing people of their mobility and their vision and their kidneys. SUGAR and the people who make it, market it and package it inside all those horrible products are ruining this country and HOW DARE THEY?

This attack on one of nature's gifts (yes, sugar comes from the ground in a few forms) is yet another example of the idiotic attack on the wrong problem.

Sugar did not make you fat. Sugar did not give you diabetes. Sugar is not the problem - the problem is in the mirror.


Take responsibility for sitting on the couch playing video games when you should be walking around the block.

Take responsibility for having no will power.

Take responsibility for yourself.


(It looks as if I am going to be forced to build that statue in San Francisco Harbor after all... the Statue of Responsibility - to bookend the country. Liberty on one coast and Responsibility on the other. I am working on this project... but at the moment I could use a nice cup of tea and a donut.)

Happy Birthday Luther. We still miss you.

Today is April 20th and 55 years ago Luther Vandross was born.

He died less than a year ago on July 1, 2005.

There are few voices and spirits that can match Luther.

He will be missed.

As we remember and celebrate Luther Vandross, here are a few of my favorites.

"Here & Now"

"Stop To Love"

"Superstar"

"Never Too Much"

"A House Is Not A Home'

"I'd Rather"

"Love Won't Let Me Wait"

The entire Christmas cd

"Buy Me A Rose"

"Dance With My Father"

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Rest in Peace Luther. Thank you.

Gas Pains. . . we all have them, but why?

Filling up the tank this morning was painful.

$54.49 to get the old Chrysler (Buy American) loaded up. My head did the math - if gas keeps going higher - it's going to be a difficult year for me and many others.

The ripple effect of a spike in fuel costs will start changing everything we do.

Vacations will be shortened.

Air fares will have to be raised to keep airlines from going under.

Food prices must rise as the cost of getting food to the stores will now increase too.
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Who's at fault here? Who did this to us? Why are we paying so much more than we did a year ago?

The Blamestorming is going to kick into high gear as the Dems will use the gas prices to demonize the Administration. Meanwhile over in the GOP Cave the spinmeisters will say we need to drill in Alaska and kick start our own supplies.

My prediction: nothing gets done.

I don't know how Bush is responsible for gas prices. OK, the war ain't helping... but there is a virtual perfect storm of international economic factors (Venezuela, Iran, Iraq and China --- Three OPEC members all in dangerous situations and a massive country that is now waking up and learning what burning oil can do for it's people) combined with our complete lack of domestic production and refining that is causing the run up in the base cost of a barrel of oil.

But we're here. Oil is 72 dollars a barrel and probably going higher. So what's the answer? The answer IMHO is we need more than one answer.

1.) How about producing more oil here? We have it in Alaska - and Jimmy Carter wanted us to go there and get it. JIMMY CARTER - a Democrat. Was he wrong?


2.) Let's focus on refining more oil! We lost a massive amount of production due to storms and just a complete lack of forward thinking.


3.) More and better fuel efficient cars! For years there has been no incentive to improve the mileage of our cars or push for alternative fuels. The time is obviously NOW.
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It's about solutions. Solving problems. If you are not offering solutions, you are just getting in the way.

The Great Wal-Mart of China? It's happened.

For the past few years I have been very nervous about China. CHINA is huge. 1.3 BILLION people. BILLION with a B. That is a bunch of people. If the planet has a population of six billion, then basically one of every five people you meet is Chinese. (And that does not count the Chinese people living in Taiwan or other countries.)

Forget the alleged sleeping tiger that is the EU, the real concern in terms of Global Financial Domination is CHINA!

For decades China has quietly watched us... their leaders plotting a non-military takeover based on crushing our economy from thousands of miles away.

Think about it, China has: No labor policy. No basic protection of workers. No decent wages. Just a gigantic machine kicking out cheap goods that are shipped here to compete with American products, American companies, AMERICAN JOBS!

But we love global competition, NO? YES, we love FAIR competition, something China does not practice. And don't get me started on China's human rights policy failures/abuses.

So here's the USA Today version of the story. China makes stuff on the cheap, using sweat-shop labor in cities that don't care about polluting the environment or the harming people who live there. It sells here in the USA and all the monies end up back in China, in the hands of the GOVT.

Does that sound like a good plan? It does if you are the Chinese Govt. But it sounds horrible of you are a citizen working for peanuts or an American who is facing a dim future at the hands of people who don't believe in free speech, a free press, or any basic right we take for granted.

I'm very pro-American. My car is a Chrysler, I try to patronize American companies wherever possible. And I think you should too.

One American company which is not helping (IMHO) is WalMart. They buy BILLIONS of dollars in Chinese made goods and sell them here in the USofA. This lines the pockets of the WalMart execs, the Chinese companies/Govt all the while tearing the heart and soul our of small town America with their superstores. I know what you're saying... "I like my walMart low prices." I'm sure you do... but what is the real cost of those good? The end of small town America and the manufacturing jobs that came with those towns?

You all know the right answer. We should not be trading partners with people who don't play fair. That may be the RIGHT answer, but it's not the answer that America is going to give itself. And then fate stepped in.

Just last week WalMart opened in China.

Check that out. Wal Mart has opened in China!

Shouldn't that really be called The Great Wal-Mart of China? A store so big that it can be seen from Space!

If Wal-Mart catches on in China, (and why won't it?) Then, in a few short years, the Chinese people would find themselves in our shoes... literally - we'll be the sweat-shop labor country that makes cheap shoes for the Chinese people.

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I gotta go, my Chinese food delivery is finally here. More tomorrow. God Bless America.

The Season of Renewal... for me it always starts with FROST

Yes it is Easter Sunday. A day when many Christians are celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus and the promise for all to be born again into a better life after death. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion. So let it be! Celebrate Easter! Celebrate Spring! Celebrate life as it is renewed this time each and every year.
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(above photo was taken this morning!)
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This day always reminds me of the great American poet Robert Frost's simple classic, "Nothing Gold Can Stay."

"Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."

What better illustration of Frost's poem than the forsythia? The one blooming outside our window is on fire with golden color, yet in two weeks it will all be gone, replaced by a reliable green color that will last til October.


Frost's message is still valid today. So I suggest we all enjoy the golden colors while we can... In every part of our lives. Nothing gold can stay!

Good Friday - Good Idea!

As we read almost daily, churches are not doing the kind of land-office business that they did in days of old when people would tithe 10% of their income to supporting their faith. The problem is not a simple one as there are many causes - sex scandals, crooks, and diminished interest in institutions that don't change as quickly as the popular beliefs.


Religion is important to many people and I for one would like to see churches, temples and synagogues doing well. So I have a few ideas. Merchandising, Naming Rights, and SkyBox revenues.


The naming rights thing is a MUST-DO, and I don't know why they haven't cashed in on this one - can't you see it? The Verizon Wireless - St Patrick's Cathedral. Or St. Martin's Press and High School?


The sky boxes in the churches could provide a massive infusion of money. Instead of buying a stained glass window, we'd like see rings of private family or company boxes in the churches (this is also a great place for babies to be crying). The skyboxes would have flat-screen tvs giving closed circuit tv coverage of the Mass and private delivery of wine and wafers.


And finally the Catholics have a pretty decent handle on this one already... the rosary beads, holy water, etc. But they could use a few updates- we need some new products and I'm not talking Cardinal Trading Cards... Learn from the rappers... CLOTHING & SHOES make big money. T-shirts with Saints on them... and the shoes? Can't you see the Vatican's line of CROSS TRAINERS??? How about tie-ing with APPLE and putting out a Papal iPod? You can download all the great hymns and papal addresses, there could even be a weekly mass to download on video!
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No words today, just stare at this digital art

11th and maybe a 12th Commandment?

ABC TV dropped it on us this week... a new mini-series of the classic Easter - Passover Season chestnut - THE TEN COMMANDMENTS - Unlike 1956's CB DeMille epic starring Yul Brenner, Edward G. Robinson, Vincent Price and Charlton Heston's classic turn on Moses - this one was star-packed (sort of) with Omar Sharif.

If you missed it, wise move.

I did not watch it either - but I am fascinated by the 10 Commandments. So I started asking people, random strangers on the street if they knew the 10 Commandments - most knew SOME, but over half of them did not know ALL of the 10 simple rules that God dropped on Moses via burning bush in the desert.

ANNNNNNNNNNNND that got me thinking even more - why haven't we added a new Commandment in the past couple thousand years? The various state constitutions get amendments every year, but the 10 Commandments don't change? Come on! So I started asking people what we should add to the original 10 "Thou shalt (not)...'

One of my sisters had some great suggestions.

Ev says - "Thou shalt not spit." AND "Thou shalt not leave long, annoying messages on voice mail." AND (yes, Ev has issues) "Thou shalt not forward stupid emails to everyone you know."

Roger and Shelly from Texas just wanted a simple "Be Nice" added to the #11 spot.

I'm more interested in some positive motivation like "Thou shalt take responsibility for your actions."

Now what do you think? Please send YOUR Commandment asap... Please don't send it via burning bush, email will suffice.

My Favorite City In Minnesota is Paul... just PAUL.

Where in the amazing document we call the U.S. Constitution does it outline the "separation of church and state?"

Can someone point that out to me? I understand the need to protect religious freedom. That was a key plank in the platform of this great country. Religious freedom. Worship who you want, what you want, when you want... But there is nothing about preventing religious symbols from being show in courthouses or on government properties.

It seems as if some overzealous lawyer (redundant?) made an argument stick and convinced someone to agree with him that a creche on government property is tantamount to endorsement of that religion... hence the current climate of attacking anything remotely attached to Christianity.

The latest and most confusing attack comes out of St. Paul, Minnesota where the Easter Bunny has been banned from City Hall as well as a few malls.

The !?#&#@?? Easter Bunny?

Nowhere in my Bible is a mention of an Easter Bunny.

If memory serves me correctly (and it usually does), the Easter Bunny harkens back to our pagan days... a throwback if you will, but certainly not a religious symbol.

So what gives? A city is allowed to be associated with religion by it's very name SAINT PAUL, Minnesota... but the Easter Bunny is them causing problems?

If the Peter Cottontail is a threat to religious freedom, then the entire city of SAINT PAUL is a frontal assault on America and we must marshall as much effort as possible to change the name... right after we fix the money "In God We Trust" - the courthouses, the public schools, and the Pledge of Allegiance...

I wonder what the people in Paul, Minnesota are friendly?

My Library is becoming a Blockbuster Video Store.

Library - a noun - and by definition: A place in which literary and artistic materials, such as books, periodicals, newspapers, pamphlets, prints, records, and tapes, are kept for reading, reference, or lending.
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This may surprise many of you, but I visit my local public library. There are months when I am in there every single week. Virtually every Saturday morning. My wife is a voracious reader and that reality has inspired me to spend more time in the little public building full of books and silence. And while I should read more than I do, I still consider myself to be a patron of the library and I appreciate it's existence.

But the library has begun morphing into something very un-library-like. Each week, especially as we approach the summer months, my local public library looks more and more like a video store than a place filled with books & periodicals.

A few years back it became apparent that free video rentals would bring people in... so more and more shelf space was designated for whatever tapes were donated to the library. This led to DVDs and even CDs finding their way onto the shelves. Soon the paperback racks were being threatened and eventually replaced altogether. (I'm not complaining about "books on tape" as I find myself utilizing this format quite often... I'm talking about movies and music cds replacing novels and non-fiction works.)

Two summers back a section of the reference area was turned into a digital den with eight computer terminals. Initially this was great, one could pop in and check an ebay auction, a Drudge Report or even the odd e-mail account. Not so these days. The computer terminals have become a hang-out for the local high-schoolers looking to spend time in chat rooms or tweaking their MYSPACE.COM pages... counting how many "friends" they have.

With the myspace.com crowd comes the expected chatter.

The books are just about out-numbered by the videos/dvds/and cds...

The computers are used more for chat room access than reference...

Let's just close the library and sell the place to Starbuck's or Borders... at least we wouldn't have to lie to ourselves about what it is, what's going on there, and what our tax dollars are buying.

Does this concern anyone else but me?

I'm not getting pulled into the debate over immigration. Not for the moment anyway. My dad's mom (my grandmother for those needing clarification) came here from another country and had to go through the system, so I am not without an opinion here. But today is not about immigration. Today is about road safety. This discussion deals with driver's licenses.

Living and working in New York is different than most states. NYC is a very diverse city, especially the island of Manhattan. Every few years I get verification of this fact when I am forced to visit the DMV. Our NY State Department of Motor Vehicles is amazing for the sheer volume of license plates, licenses and learner's permits that it processes on a daily basis.

If you come to the NY DMV you'll see more people from different nations than you'd experience anywhere else in the world with the exception of the United Nations cafeteria. And, in order to be fair to all of those people who come to New York from different countries and want to drive a car here, the test is offered in several languages. You can take the NY State Driver's License Exam in English, Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Chinese (Mandarin & Cantonese), Korean, and Vietnamese.

Here's my concern. All the signs, the road signs from Staten Island north to Niagara Falls are in English and only in English.

Yeah, that all makes sense... Let's test people in their native language... a written test... with really no pressure... but when they hit the streets and they are behind the wheel of a 4000lb rolling hunk of steel, traveling at high speed, in traffic, surrounded by hundreds of others... and they need to make a split-second decision about turning, stopping, changing lanes, etc... The words on the signs are written in ENGLISH.

THIS COUNTRY WANTS YOU TO IMMIGRATE AS LONG AS YOU...

This country welcomes immigrants - but there are a few rules.

Perhaps you want to be an investor in this country - Ok, Investors - You are welcome if you are willing to invest your capital in this country. You investment can be directed at industry or services, and must equal a minimum of 40,000 times the minimum daily wage.


Maybe you want to retire in this country. - If you are over 50 years of age, and want to engage in "non remunerative activities" and you are receiving funds from abroad (from a pension or other investments or fixed income) at least to the value of 400 times the daily minimum daily wage per month and a further 200 times daily minimum wage per month for each dependent (e.g. spouse, children) then you can apply for a Retiree Immigration Permit.


What if you just want to immigrate here to this country to work? You had better be a professional and be able to prove it! If you are a qualified professional, you can have your certificates validated by the Consulate and apply for an immigration permit. You must be sponsored by a company who must satisfy the authorities that you are essential to their operative requirements.
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How about owning property in this country? Did you know that only NATIVE Born individuals are allowed to own waterfront property in this country?

If you want to buy land in this country and are not a citizen, you have to prove that you have the money to do so. Your assets must prove that you can equal a minimum of 40,000 times the minimum daily wage.
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If you come to this country without the correct permits you will not receive welfare or other goodies. You will not be trained in two different languages.

If you come to this country and refuse to learn the native tongue, you will be in trouble.

You are not allowed to display flags of other nations in this country!

You better be legal or you will be locked up in this country.

THIS country is MEXICO. Surprised?

This explains the "walking on water" but what about the fishes and loaves?

So today I'm reading the news and I stumble into an article which speculates that one of the greatest "miracles" of all time could be a simple party trick or an illusion along the lines of Penn & Teller's shows in Las Vegas!

I'm not kidding.

From the website www.livescience.com:

"Rare conditions could have conspired to create hard-to-see ice on the Sea of Galilee that a person could have walked on back when Jesus is said to have walked on water, a scientist said today.

The study, which examines a combination of favorable water and environmental conditions, proposes that Jesus could have walked on an isolated patch of floating ice on what is now known as Lake Kinneret in northern Israel."


Are we to believe that Jesus is the biblical version Ashton Kutcher? Punking the Philistines?

I'm shocked, stunned, and kind of intrigued by this one... Forget the DaVinci Code... I want to see Jesus playing to packed crowds at Caesar's Palace... Maybe in the Herrod Room.


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If we scoop the poop, why not rinse the pee?

"He's lost it." You've got be thinking that "he's finally lost it."

I live and work in New York City. Right in the heart of the beast we call The Big Apple... But it's starting to look and smell more like The Big Hydrant!

There are more dogs in New York City every day. It appears that the latest accessory of choice, right after a screaming child, is a dog. Big dogs, little dogs, unusual dogs, pedigreed pooches and multi-cultural mutts - New York City has them by the millions. Think about that - MILLIONS! And they all have do what dogs do... a few times a day and that's "eliminate."

Unlike you and me and even cats, our canine pals have to "do their business" on the streets. Aside from a total lack of privacy for the dogs, it's really starting to worry me from a health standpoint. Millions of times each day our city is bombarded by "Man's Best Friend." No friend of mine would be welcome back in the apartment if I caught him (or her) marking their territory in front of our building!

Some time back we realized what a problem we had with all the canine #2 on the city sidewalks and "Pooper Scooper" laws became woven in to the fabric of New York life. Not only do they work (generally), they also provide a little entertainment along with lessons in humility. I must admit it's kind of satisfying to spot one of the Park Ave Divas in her fur coat donning the baggie glove after her Chinese Crested has dropped a package. Perhaps she looks upon this as a sort of public service... saving the sanctity of the sidewalk for the next pair of Jimmie Choos. "Soil not the sidewalk, lest yours be soiled."

We've managed to clean up the poop... Now I say it's time to do the same for the pee! Once again American Ingenuity will be put to the test. Can we create a product that will neutralize dog urine and keep our streets from running yellow? I believe so and will remind you of it when this prediction becomes reality.

If you think this is just another rant from a misguided Manhattanite with too much time on his hands... DO THE MATH. Millions of doggies are peeing on your streets and sidewalks at least three times a day - that equals a mess that YOU are walking in and tracking into your homes, offices and cars.

Now does anyone want to join me in the lab? I'm even open to investors.

And before you pour me a glass of Hater-ade and report me to the ASPCA or PETA or whomever is doling out justice on behalf of those beneath us on the food chain, please meet Grayce (two syllables - as in Gray-see) -






She lives and works in Manhattan and does not ever foul the streets with her waste. She's small enough to pad train, something not feasible for those Great Dane lovers down the hall.

LAS VEGAS, BIGGER THAN EVER

Just finished reading an article about the Las Vegas EMS announcing their purchase of new ambulances capable of helping those morbidly obese get to medical services in a hurry. The folks in charge of the EMS announced that (at a substantial cost) they have added a significant number of "Bariatric" ambulances to their fleet.

I am happy that plus-sized people needing help can get the same type of services that everyone is able to receive, but another problem is being swept under the carpet.

Bariatrics - for those not hip to the latest terms in the medical community. Bariatric Medicine is the specialization dealing with the problems of the overweight. The health problems.

There are studies and articles which claim 2/3rds of us are overweight... and in Las Vegas they are estimating that 21% of their citizens are MORBIDLY OBESE. Must be all those free buffets at the casinos... but I digress.

We have a problem. We're getting fat and all anyone can do about it is to build bigger excuse supporting machines! Instead of fixing the problem, we endorse it!

We've already seen a boom in businesses that cater to the areas that support obesity - clothing, power-chairs and even HUGE caskets... and why not? Fat people have to die too... and sooner than that skinny person who always appears to be staring at you when you bite into a Krispy Kreme donut. It seems to be a classic case of supply & demand. But should we reward this kind of behavior? I say no!

There are many among the obese who cannot change. We accept that. But there are those of us who can and should make a serious effort to alter our lives and habits in order to become less of what we are... and in turn, we will help the nation be stronger.

A slimmer America means better days for all of us. Even by losing 5 or 10 pounds you'll help.

A smaller you means less stress on the health care system and insurance costs will be reduced.

A slimmer you means a healthier you. More productive you. A better American economy, raises, bonuses, prosperity!

A skinnier you (even slightly skinnier) means you'll live longer. Anyone need an explanation?

Less you will actually save the environment. Fewer Fat Ambulances on the streets means less consumption of oil.
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So you see... if we'd all just take a moment between sips of our caramel macchiado mocha frappucinos to consider losing a few pounds, America can be great again. Perhaps it needs an incentive.

Mr. President... how about a tax break for people who stay healthy and don't suck the system dry!