Tuesday, January 31, 2006

State of Our Friggin Union!

Tonite our President takes over the airwaves with his 5th State of the Union address.

This promises to be one of the most watched S-o-t-Us ever... thanks to a lead in from FOX's blockbuster "American Idol." Maybe, just maybe a few people will stick around to watch and possibly learn something about the American political system by actually listening to the guy running the show.

In reality, we know what's going to happen. The 18-25 demo is going to play the "State of the Union" Drinking Game. Every standing ovation - take a shot. Each time Bush "mispronoucticates" a word, take a shot. Every time they show a frowning Democrat, take a sip... two sips for frowning shots of Hillary Clinton and/or John Kerry. This may not help in understanding what he's saying, but the speech will seem considerably shorter.

Of course after the speech we get to see what the Democrats think will help people move their affections over to their side of the aisle. Apparently James Carville thinks the Dems need to be more Latino friendly, so the response is being delivered in Spanish by the new mayor of LA. (I'm guessing that's a hint that we won't be seeing any immigration hardliners from the Blue State people in the coming elections.)

All of this leads me to a mini-rant about why we don't care about the Presidential Elections. Because we don't have the BEST PEOPLE RUNNING FOR THE OFFICE.

Why don't we have the best people interested in the gig? The pay. Think about it. We are asking someone to run the best country on the globe... the best economy... the strongest military. We need the best people! But we're only offering 400k (and of course all the security and housing... yada yada yada) - 400k? That's less than Michael Eisner used to make in a week. Let's link the President's salary to that of the highest paid athlete in the country! You want to see quality minds come crawling out of the woodwork looking for the job? Put someone serious money on the table.
(And don't tell me that the Presidency is not supposed to be about money... anyone who's ever tried to end an argument by saying "this is not about the money" is telling you that it's all about the money.)

Anyone else with me on this? I thought so.

Join me tomorrow when I reveal the plan to repair the entire election/selection process. Guaranteeing that we will have the best candidates for the most important job in the world.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Monday, Monday...

The frustration of Monday is too much to bear.

Did Hamas win the election in Palestine because they had better "attack ads?"

My friend and comic Goumba Johnny says that they were recruiting voters from "suicide hotlines." (think about it...)

I am consumed by the idiotic things I see on tv! The shows are bad enough, but what about the commercials? A couple of spots that drive me to the edge of the ledge - Geico and KFC.

I remember when he was driving a little Jaguar into the "Employee of the Month" parking spot... now he's in the jungle preaching to other amphibians. Are we seriously making decisions about our insurance based on talking lizards???

And then there is KFC.

KFC is Kentucky Fried Chicken right? SO why why why in the name of all that is holy do they use "Sweet Home Alabama" to promote KENTUCKY Fried Chicken? Does nobody else see this?

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Sunday's thoughts.

January 29, 2006. Happy New Year to our Chinese friends. The year of the dog.

(Insert hack joke about Asians eating man's best friend here.)

I've been thinking a great deal about the news that former VP and angry guy, Al Gore is planning on writing another book. Mr. Gore seems to spend the majority of his ample free time making noise about Global Warming. And this is a great thing to be doing for Mother Earth, if he were not simultaneously printing tens of thousands of copies of books in an effort to get his point across and feed his ego.

How ironic would it be for the ozone layer's depletion to be directly attributed to decimation of trees needed to supply paper to print a smash best seller about the environment. If sales of his previous writings are any indicator, we don't have much to fear from Mr. Gore.