Sunday, April 02, 2006

If we scoop the poop, why not rinse the pee?

"He's lost it." You've got be thinking that "he's finally lost it."

I live and work in New York City. Right in the heart of the beast we call The Big Apple... But it's starting to look and smell more like The Big Hydrant!

There are more dogs in New York City every day. It appears that the latest accessory of choice, right after a screaming child, is a dog. Big dogs, little dogs, unusual dogs, pedigreed pooches and multi-cultural mutts - New York City has them by the millions. Think about that - MILLIONS! And they all have do what dogs do... a few times a day and that's "eliminate."

Unlike you and me and even cats, our canine pals have to "do their business" on the streets. Aside from a total lack of privacy for the dogs, it's really starting to worry me from a health standpoint. Millions of times each day our city is bombarded by "Man's Best Friend." No friend of mine would be welcome back in the apartment if I caught him (or her) marking their territory in front of our building!

Some time back we realized what a problem we had with all the canine #2 on the city sidewalks and "Pooper Scooper" laws became woven in to the fabric of New York life. Not only do they work (generally), they also provide a little entertainment along with lessons in humility. I must admit it's kind of satisfying to spot one of the Park Ave Divas in her fur coat donning the baggie glove after her Chinese Crested has dropped a package. Perhaps she looks upon this as a sort of public service... saving the sanctity of the sidewalk for the next pair of Jimmie Choos. "Soil not the sidewalk, lest yours be soiled."

We've managed to clean up the poop... Now I say it's time to do the same for the pee! Once again American Ingenuity will be put to the test. Can we create a product that will neutralize dog urine and keep our streets from running yellow? I believe so and will remind you of it when this prediction becomes reality.

If you think this is just another rant from a misguided Manhattanite with too much time on his hands... DO THE MATH. Millions of doggies are peeing on your streets and sidewalks at least three times a day - that equals a mess that YOU are walking in and tracking into your homes, offices and cars.

Now does anyone want to join me in the lab? I'm even open to investors.

And before you pour me a glass of Hater-ade and report me to the ASPCA or PETA or whomever is doling out justice on behalf of those beneath us on the food chain, please meet Grayce (two syllables - as in Gray-see) -

She lives and works in Manhattan and does not ever foul the streets with her waste. She's small enough to pad train, something not feasible for those Great Dane lovers down the hall.


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