Saturday, September 09, 2006

Clean Up In Aisle Ten

It's double-coupon day at the "END OF THE WORLD" store.

I'm just back from a weekly trip to the grocery store and things could not be any worse.

Shopping for food has become an extreme sport. When did that happen? At what point did the simple activity of buying a little food become a task that requires a support group and a can of disinfectant?

Aside from the usual clutter in the aisles on Saturday, we are now faced with the grim reality that people think shopping is a competition. Getting through the store in a new personal speed record is vital for some people... and God forgive you if you get in their way.

And then there are the folks just out for a leisurely stroll through the stores because they have nothing else to do --- who are these people? Perhaps they are the reason carts now have cup holders where the baby seats are located - CUP HOLDERS!

But the most troubling to me are the people who the stores cater to the most - PARENTS! Parents are the lifeblood of the grocery store biz - they need parents to feel comfy while shopping - so they have made grocery carts the size of SUVs & the carts have been pimped!

Today I saw a grocery cart with a kiddie car bolted on the front --- a mini plastic NASCAR-like shell for the kids to sit inside --- complete with steering wheels so kids think they are driving towards the cereal aisle. The good old grocery cart is now almost 12 feet long... Do the math people - there is very little room for child-free among us!

Thankfully there are new materials involved - the carts now boast "anti-bacterial" plastic on the cart handles... good to know that the drooling passenger who left the cart in my parking space will not be passing any nasty germs on to me!

At least I can feel comfortable knowing that if the aisle hogs don't run me down, and if the crazy staff doesn't drump a wagon load of boxes on me, and if I don't get run over by an Escalade sized cart complete with a family of four on board... there's a good chance that the handle of my cart will be clearner than the door handle on most puble restrooms. - But not much cleaner.


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