Saturday, July 15, 2006

Saturday Night, any one for a little levity?

Those who know me are aware that I have an older brother who happens to be a colo-rectal surgeon. He WAS a thoracic surgeon before he decided to switch specializations and move from the chest cavity to the - - - well, the end of the line, as it were.

As you might expect, I did corner him and ask, "WHY WHY WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOULD ANYONE MOVE OUT OF THIS NICE NEIGHBORHOOD INTO THAT ONE???" His answer made complete sense. He stared calmly into my eyes and said, "There are 5000 Board Certified thoracic Surgeons in the country and there are but 500 Colo-Rectal Surgeons." BRILLIANT I thought, he's really thought this one through. He's moved from a lucrative market into a super-lucrative market, in a slightly less desirable neighborhood.

And then he finished the job by saying "Sooner or later, everyone's gotta come see me." From what I've been reading, truer words were never spoken. Since that day I have upped my fiber intake, tripled my tomato consumption and cut way back on red meats... all in the interest of avoiding any meetings with my brother outside of family gatherings. So far the plan is working.

But today I was also the recipient of a funny little piece of internet forwarding and rather than clog your inboxes with spam comedy - I am posting it here - with all apologies to my brother and his chosen profession.

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous...

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "I wish I could quit you." (you had to see Brokeback Mtn to get that one)

And the best one of all...

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?


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