Saturday, February 04, 2006

XL = 40 and other bad examples of cute math.

With just over 24 hours before the start of the prelude to the warm-up show that leads into the pre-game show just before the kick-off of SuperBowl 40 we have officially reached critical mass on the ultimate game. The point at which there is so much analysis, hype, and speculation about what might happen, who has the best commercial, etc. that I am considering going to the movies on Sunday night just to get away from it all. TIVO can do the heavy lifting and allow me to zip past the insanity. Heresy you say? This Superbowl is not really super in my eyes… and it has nothing to do with the teams.

The biggest story about tomorrow’s Big Game – it’s being tape-delayed by ABC.

I’m not just talking about half-time show, the boring mini-concert featuring Grandpa Jagger and his (much slower) Rolling Stones – ABC is delaying the pre-game, the actual game, the half-time and the post-game show! That’s correct Janet, thanks to your star-encrusted nipple’s guest appearance a few years back, the entire show is now sent through a filter of ABC/Disney censors who decide in seconds if anything objectionable is being seen or heard… and they are allowed to delete or mask said content to protect us all.

You should feel safe now.

Godforbid that a kid watching with mom and/or dad should see or hear a football player cursing! I’d wager a Kevin Federline year’s supply of RedBull and cigarettes that the average 10yr old hears more cursing at school before homeroom starts than they would experience during all four quarters of the SuperBowl.

I say to ABC/Disney - Let the SuperBowl be, well Super …

It’s our once-a-year, eat all you can, drink all you can, football party! Honestly folks, the charm of a live sports event is the potential for anything to happen and we all get to see it – unscripted & unedited. And then on Monday morning we are allowed to waste MOUNTAINS of time talking about it with co-workers and friends.

Not this year. Thanks to the tape-delay police at ABC/Disney, I will always wonder what we missed… did a fan give the finger to a camera during a time out? We will never know. Did a macho superstar running back get a case of the jitters and puke on the sidelines after the national anthem? We will never know. Did Mick Jagger pop a hip live on stage swaggering his 62yr old body to “Satisfaction” once too often? We will never know.

“It’s for the sake of the children that we must do this…” say the mouse-eared chowderheads at ABC/Disney… Have they watched their own network? “Desperate Housewives” & “Grey’s Anatomy” are not subjected to the same filtering. And ABC defense/argument about television them during later hours doesn’t wash here… 9 and 10pm ain’t late… AND kids can download them for $1.99 on iTunes anytime of day or night!

So let the game roll… unedited & uncensored. Think of all the money you’ll save on the people who were watching so intently… they’re not really creative people anyway and we need them in other places doing more important jobs like scraping the gum off the seats on Space Mountain.

Tomorrow. Hope.


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